Hi friends,
I don't know about you but I feel like there are parts of me, which got lost or overwhelmed over the last 18 months. One major one for me has been creativity. Sure, there have been moments, sparks of life, but that feeling of being lost in creative practice has felt, well, lost!
I think I began to actively distance myself from places I had once filled from. One of those being Charmaine Pollard's poetry therapy workshops. Back in the day, I used to love traveling up to London for them, anticipating the inspiration, expecting good coffee, deep conversation, and creative flow. I loved hearing all the ways people wrote, and it always surprised me how much it showed about myself and where I was at. Yet over lockdown that free-flowing, lyrical creativity locked itself away.
I took a chance, without really thinking about it I booked myself for a workshop at the beginning of September. I wanted to share two of the poems I wrote in that session. They are possibly unfinished, certainly unconscious flow, and gave me insight into my soul situation.
OCTOBER
October
Not normally a month I long for,
except perhaps a few days off at half term.
Yet right now October feels like
a welcome,
an open embrace,
and I'm not sure why;
that's just the words my heart spoke
when I wrote the word
October,
where pumpkins fill the 'gram
the obligatory feet in leaf shot
scary costumes filling shops
my niece's birthday.
Normally I do not yearn for you
I am a spring/summer girl
lover of the light
Perhaps it's the longing for some semblance of a season.
Even if the sun is shining,
the leaves fall,
the crops harvest,
the pumpkins grow
How do you feel about October? Is it a month you long for, or one that just passes by with no real feeling? Are you longing for a semblance of a season?
The second poem was inspired by another poem called Unresolved by Anne Wilson. I guess the part of me that always wants to hope, crafted some of this; but I also was really struck once I read it through that it is where I want to end up, not where I currently am. So I kept the name unresolved rather than changing it to resolved!
Unresolved: Why I no longer look through lighted windows
For a long time
I lived in the unresolved
and it scared me
not knowing when it would change
not knowing when the darkness would end
and light would come
when the well would fill with water
and rise me to the top
for a long time
Living in the unresolved
is not easy
it grabs hold of insecurities,
places them on display
like a sideshow at a circus
(you don't get centre stage
but at least the audience have
something to laugh at before the show).
and yet...
as I drive past lighted windows
I realise, we are all in the unresolved
no journey is complete
for a long times
I turned on my own lights
now I have bought a timer
and no longer see other lights
but look forward to the caress of my home
I am now at 36:
31. Read unread books (not counting any gifted between now & 30th March)
32. Decide what to do for 40th
33. Learn a dance routine
34. See my godchildren (already booked to see one in October)
35. Try out vivo barefoot
36. My friend Karen says I need to have a coffee-related one, but I don't know what that is yet
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