"It's that time of the month again", I thought as I hunted my cupboard for some walking boots, time to walk to the tree. I definitely needed to walk today, blow away the cobwebs and the minor upset of Thursday night (after the show). Friday seemed a long slog and any motivation was perhaps in the bag that I 'lost' - it certainly wasn't in me! It seems every time I take this monthly ritual, it is well needed; something I hadn't accounted for when I set the challenge at the beginning of the year.
Walking has always helped me think. For me, it harks back to Eden, the practice we first had of walking and talking with the Father. It gives my mind space to unravel, my heart confidence to speak, and then to hope. I process disappointment, repentance, joy, and peace on these walks. I have truly loved watching the seasons change the landscape, I will miss the routine. Maybe January calls for a new route, a new challenge, a new view.
Today, as I made my way past the fishing lake, I noticed I had a different thought about the tree. As you may remember, last month I was surprised the corn had not been harvested. This time, I had a sense of curiosity, "I wonder what the view will be this month".
I am not a curious kind of cat. I love knowing and I feel insecure when I am in the middle of something. Right now, I still feel in the middle of something and I am beginning to place my trust in chariots and horses. I am looking for signs, looking to others rather than Jesus for my hope & my trust. As I walked by the lake I thought about the verse:
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
What does this look like for me in this situation, in the middle of moving, in the not knowing? I prayed it as a prayer, to remind my heart to take hope. Almost immediately I remembered the line in a David Gray song "Let go of your heart, Let go of your head, And feel it now"; not that faith is unintelligible but that I needed to let go, and trust in God for this.
I took the higher route through the woods, as I could hear the dirt bikes and didn't fancy jumping out of the way and being splattered by mud on the lower path that they favour. Plus, it's good for your brain to shake up the familiar sometimes! I quite enjoyed the softness of walking on the fallen leaves and the spring in my step from walking on broken horse-chestnut cases.
I decent back to the lower section, just before crossing into the field with the tree. Unbelievably my water bottle which I accidentally left here last month, is still where I left it. I wonder what it has heard and seen in the last month, how many people have walked past it or noticed it and left it uncared for. Or, maybe it was just waiting for me. My mind on this I almost didn't notice the change of the field - the corn has been harvested!
I thought back to last month, how surprised I was that the corn was still there, how I felt hope that its time will eventually come, and now it has. Though I am still in the middle of my journey, I can take hope, that eventually my time will come; and instead of trusting in chariots and horses, timelines and handbags, I'm going to let go, and put my trust in God.
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